I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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