Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
