I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize