I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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