The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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