He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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