How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
