it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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