take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
