I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
