Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
only if we run a train.
done.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
