I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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