New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
