Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
