Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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