that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
