ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Michael Bay diarrhea
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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