Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
