yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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