is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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