you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
