just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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