I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
