I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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