I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
