I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
