dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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