he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
