dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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