She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
