He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
