in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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