My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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