Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
