I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Everything about him screamed your future.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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