dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
