she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
