i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
