Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
