How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
