I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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