so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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