i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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