I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
