pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
