I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
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