Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
