Are we in a gay sports bar?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
