Who wears a wallet chain?!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
