Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
