OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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