I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
