Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize