turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
