Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
