He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
my liver is dry heaving
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
