I wish life had little blips of pornography
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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