There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
