So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
