she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i will never coherently bang her
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
