I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
