im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize