she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
