buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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