Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
