you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
