so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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