Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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