i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
