just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
