How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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