he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
