So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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