My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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